What if less is more?

Do you ever go to bed at night and just wonder where your day went?  I hate that.  It seems like it happens way too often to me.  As a matter of fact, that is pretty much the conversation I had with my doc a few years ago that led to my AD/HD diagnosis.  She said it is normal to have days like this from time to time but, if you find your days are "lost" more often than not you might have a problem.  Well, I have a problem!

For a long time I had thought, "Well if I just try harder..", "discipline myself more...", etc.  After I discovered that I have AD/HD it sort of made me realize that I might have to look at things from a different angle...take a different approach than my "normal" friends and coworkers.  At first it was a big relief to know that there really was something wrong with me...is that weird?  I thought that if I know the "what" than I could also know the "how to" in regards to my problem.  But, the more I read and the more I learned (and tried) the more discouraged I became.  I started to realize....this thing isn't going away!  And no matter how many tips and tricks I learned I would have to always stay on top of and work hard to just live some semblance of a normal life.  It's frustrating when it seems like a lot of people with this live with relative success in one area of their lives if they are lucky.  So, maybe they found a great niche at work but, other relationships are failing.  Or they've managed to maintain a long-term marriage but, never found the meaning they had hoped for in a job or career outside of the home.  I usually feel like I'm failing to some degree in almost every important area of my life.  That's hard.  That's discouraging and for a lot of people that is their life with AD/HD.

I don't know why but, I just can't accept this.  I want to live a full life.  Ok, so it's not all about me but, it would be nice to be able to feel like I can accomplish my goals and not always feel 10 steps behind. I dream of making it on time (or even early) to my appointments.  I dream of not letting my husband down (again) by forgetting to wash his white coat, pay a bill, etc.  I dream of having a routine that keeps my home clean and beautiful just the way I like it (but, rarely get to enjoy it this way). I dream of being able to do these things and still be able to spend time with the girls and not find myself wasting my Monday away while Ogglet #1 watches tv much of the day.  I also, though this is a bigger goal, dream of also finding a purpose outside the home.  Maybe returning to work or finishing my degree?

Adding to that never-ending stack of to-do's.

Writing it all down on paper now it does seem like a lot but, how can one fit it all in?  I'm not here to tell you how.  If I had the answers I suppose I would be off living this dream. :-)  But, something has started to grow in my mind.  It's an idea that I hadn't considered before:  minimalism.  I've tried so many times to manage my time to fit more things in or organize our stuff so our home would not feel messy or cluttered.  Yet, somehow I never seriously examined whether there was too much to fit.  I didn't examine it because it seems like the status quo or maybe even less than what I see others successfully juggling. It never crossed my mind that maybe I can't juggle as much as "them"....ouch!  That hurts.  So now the question that keeps echoing across my thoughts is, how much is too much.  I suppose only I will know the answer to that question.  Suppose the answer for me right now is not about more management techniques but, truly examining the pieces and parts of my life.  Are these things tangible and intangible truly adding value to the lives of myself and my family?  So, it's kind of a quest I'm on I guess:  to find out if less really can be more.  For now, I also would like to let my AD/HD off the hook regarding my disorganization and lack of focus.  Though I'm sure it plays a part I would like to just see what paring down can do.  So, I've started whittling away little by little.  Next I will tell you about how I'm starting to get rid of some of our stuff.  Not as much as in the blog that inspired me but, a helpful step just the same.  Ironically a lot of what is fueling me is the hope that by getting down to the basics I can successfully add in some of these things I've dreamed of for so long...maybe even work, work that I'm good at.  That would be much more!



Please tell me if you've struggled with prioritizing and what changes you've made for the better.  I would love to hear what you think about motherhood and work.  I know we all say, "whatever works for you, dear."  But, deep down I suspect you have more opinions than that and I'm open to them.  I must admit that I still struggle with whether my desire to go back to work (if even part time) is  misdirected somehow. But, I can't seem to shirk it and I also can't quite imagine leaving my baby Ogglet #2 quite yet.  I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

Working My Way Back to You...Erie (Part 2)

Wow! I can't believe we've already been here for only 6 weeks! Maybe it's because we already know the area or maybe it's because we already have friends here but, it just seems like we've been here for months. Of course we love all the extra space we have in our new house but, we sure have filled it up with no problem. The only additional furniture I've acquired are 4 dining sized rattan chairs. Love them because of the style but, also because I purchased them for $10 each when The Thrifty Shopper was having a 50% off sale. The plan is to recover the cushions but, is on hold until I find the perfect fabric. Perhaps I will figure out how to add pictures to these posts and share some before and afters :-)
I was working obsessively to unpack the first month we were here and now have lost that momentum. The house is pretty good but, the office is about 60% unpacked...this is not good for my MK business and I really do need to make some extra $$ to get through these next few months until DrOgg's residency starts (June 28th!). Also, since I've weaned off Strattera my ADHD symptoms have come back in full force. As a result my housekeeping seems to have declined. I'm starting to notice some old piles creeping into our master bedroom and need to figure out a way to break through these old bad habits with out meds. One idea I'm trying right now utilizes a kitchen timer I found at The Christmas Tree Stores (words can't describe my newly discovered love for this superstore). The timer is cheery and yellow with a smiley face with the hope that it can make me feel better about doing tasks I'm not in the mood for. Basically, the idea is that by timing your activities to 45 minutes or less that it will help get you started because you can do almost anything for 15-45 min. Also, for someone like me with severe ADHD I think it will help keep me from wasting time. For example, when I intend to spend 15 minutes checking on some blogs and instead spend 2 hours. Instead I will limit myself like I am doing right now...25 minutes left!!! A side perk I didn't realize is that the timer is quite a bit louder than I expected so it gives a sense of urgency to the task as well. :-) Can I live my life like this? We will see. I know my natural bent is to balk at routine and time management even though I so desperately need it. I suppose "normal" people have an internal timer and/or ticking sound that helps them get things done in a timely manner. Maybe this is how they can actually get things done on schedule and not be 5-15 minutes late to absolutely everything. Must be nice.
Since the ADHD struggles are a separate issue I would say that all in all being back in Erie is good. It's been nice catching up with the girls that I used to spend time with before. And it's been fun meeting other moms in the new playgroup that the Ogglet and I have been going to. Also, we're enjoying watching an unbelievable number of flowers pop out of our new house's flower beds. I am so thankful to the previous owners for their apparent care and love for the outdoors. Hopefully soon the weather will clear so we can also enjoy the covered patio out back. Next, we can put up the picket fence to keep our doggies and babies in the yard...hang a porch swing...make some lemonade...I guess we've made it back.

The Routine of Life Sets In (I hope!)

Why is getting out of bed so hard? Mary Kay makes it sound so great when she talks about the 5 o'clock club! And yet, it is hard. She says, "Get out of bed anyway!" My hasband says, "Just do it!" Honestly? At this point I would be happy just to join the 6 or 7 o'clock club. Annabel doesn't wake up until 8 or 8:30 and I am often tempted to stay in bed until the last possible moment. And I really hope someone reading this can relate....that I'm not the only person who has struggled with this. Even stranger to me is that I think my ability to wake early has actually declined. While staying home with Annabel has been an irreplaceable experience and I love every minute....it has made me soft in some ways. I no longer have to wake up for anything. So it comes back to self-discipline. And I just know that I do so much better at following through when I have someone to be accountable too. It's easy to change my mind when I am the only one who knows my resolution but, I hate to let others down. So the plan is to wake up two hours earlier at 6 am. This means I need to be in bed by 10. Upon waking I will accomplish the three basic things I need to do every day but, are hard to do when Annabel is up. FIrst I will clean around the house for a half hour. Then I will excercise for a half hour or so. Last, I will shower and dress for the day. This leaves me the rest of the day to work on other tasks and goals in between taking care of Annabel. What I've noticed is that if I put these things off I just spend the rest of the day trying to accomplish these three basic things often leaveing little to no time for other things like MK!!! So starting this week I am going to work on my sleep/wake routine.

The Secret

There's good news and there's not so good news. The good news is that at our weekly training the Sales Director taught us that there are two main things we need to become a sales director! So, I was thinking, Finally, the secret.... and she says it is commitment and time management. So simple; I love it! So that's the good news. Simple is good, right? We can do that. And commitment....I'm there. The not so good news is that time management is probably one of my greatest "opportunities for improvement." Now, she did share a few suggestions for time management. But, this is not enough for the barely reformed from constantly being late, often procrastinating, lose track of time all the time, and ADHD diagnosed me. Since I am so committed to this goal however, I got to work on it right away. Funny thing I discovered is that Mary Kay has a ton of tools to help us with time management! I suppose I had a vague idea of this when I was goofing off the last five years and not taking my business very seriously. So now things are going much better. I use a Weekly Plan Sheet that allows me to plan my entire week out and share it with Mr Ogg so he knows what's happening as well. Even better they have these Daily Action Sheets that include a Six Most Important Things To Do list for personal and MK for that day. Plus it has an hourly break down of your day's schedule....call tracking...list of errands....It has EVERYTHING (except your grocery list) right there at a glance. What I'm discovering is that if I do this daily--writing it out the night before and looking at it with my coffee in the morning--I can actually feel sane. Imagine that! So if you are not real time or task oriented...or even if you are and you just want to get more done....I highly recommend this. So along with my commitment, some of these newfound tools and some extra self-discipline I do hope for the seemingly impossible: that an effecient, more productive and punctual me might yet emerge!