Top Ten Reasons to Have Mom Help After Having a Baby

Since February when I had Ogglet #2 I have wished that my mom and mother-in-law would come back for good.  It was so helpful having them for the first two weeks being a mommy of two that I really can't recommend it more but, if you're on the fence about this just read on...

10. Take some pressure off your husband 

especially if he has to go back to work.

9. Someone to run to the store in a pinch.

8. Toys magically picked up....

...and the dog fed and let out (even if you forget).

7. No dirty dishes in the sink.

6. Clean laundry.

5. Home cooked meals.

(ok, maybe not exactly like this but, you will be so grateful

 that it will feel like a Norman Rockwell painting)

4. The invaluable emotional support of 

someone who has been there/done that.

(Unless you're already best friends with Bonnie Hunt....)

3. Give your toddler(s) 

much-needed adult care and attention.

"Just Leave the children to me, dearie."

2. Be more thankful and appreciative than ever

 that you have a mom/mother-in-law who cares 

so much for you AND your children.

PS - She will be more appreciative of you as well.

1. SLEEP...she can and will watch your kids 

so you can take a much needed nap.

So, after having baby (first or fifth) 

if you would rather feel like this....

and less like this...

Than read my tips for making it happen:

Just ask...ahead of time and make your expectations clear.  I told my mom I would mainly want help with care for my 2 year old so she would have the attention she needs without me feeling pulled away from what I needed to do for the baby.  She may end up doing much, much more but, be upfront with your expectations to avoid any potential misunderstandings.

Set a clear time frame and make it a tad shorter than what you are thinking.  At first I thought an entire week but, then I realized that is a long time to have anyone visit for any reason.  So, I asked my mom for 5 days and she ended up staying 6...perfect for everybody.  I think it is easier to ask for an extra day than to ask your mom or mother-in-law to leave if she is driving you crazy.  If she lives in the same town as you it's even easier. Have her come for a set amount of hours each day like, when your hubby leaves for work until after dinner.  That is what we arranged with my mom for an entire week after having Ogglet #1 and it worked great.

Make it fun!  Think about little ways she can help that will add fun to your week.  Maybe ask your mom to take your child to a special outing or even her regular playgroup to break up the routine of being at home.  In my case I also asked my mom and mother-in-law to bring some of our favorite recipes from my and my husband's childhood.  I supplied the groceries and they cooked these favorite meals for us.  I also planned to make a special dessert for them.  These little things just made the week that much more enjoyable.

I'm soooo blessed to have two amazing moms in my life.  My irreplaceable and amazing mom who has loved me in spite of my faults for 29 years and counting.  And of course my mother-in-law who I am so blessed to get to share as a result of marrying DrOgg. 
They are both the best; I am so lucky!

-Mamaw (Grandma)                                         Mammie(Grammie) 

Ogglet also calls her Grandpas Mampaw.  hehehe  And she remembers them in her prayers almost every night.  I didn't include it on my list but, I think that sharing your kids is one of the best ways to bless them and enrich your children's lives at the same time. For me it makes me more appreciative of my girls when I get to have them 100% to myself again.

So, Did you have your mom or mother-in-law help after having one or more of your babies?  Please share your experiences good and bad.  I'd love to hear what you think!

Happy mothers day to moms everywhere because, every day is mother's day!

Discouragement - the feeling of despair in the face of obstacles

Contemplating discouragement tonight. I guess we've been experiencing our share of it lately. DrOgg is naturally feeling a bit overwhelmed by his first year as a surgical resident combined with the research and other responsibilities. Me feeling rather inadequate in regards to my many responsibilities of housekeeping, of mommy-hood and of course trying to encourage my resident hubby. And poor little Annabel stuck in the middle of all our moodiness is just trying to live her toddler life...and now on top of everything she is getting her molars! Her crankiness, while we realize she can't help it, also does nothing to help the situation. I think that the definition in the title --which I found online-- is perhaps the best description of what we are experiencing. At least it is a rather self-serving one. Here is the dictionary definition:

discouragement (noun)
1. A loss of confidence or enthusiasm; a dispiritedness
2. An attempt to prevent something by showing disapproval or creating difficulties; deterrent

While the first dictionary definition may be becoming more and more true each day I actually think the second is more interesting. When I consider my preferred definition (see title) of discouragement I realize that this definition is rather vague. It depends purely upon my feelings which I guess that is all discouragement really is. And more specifically, my feelings about my "obstacles." Now I guess that is what it comes down to; are these obstacles real or perceived? Are we creating our own deterrent or creating difficulties in order to prevent our own peace and happiness? I know some very industrious moms who would probably say that I certainly am. In reality the amount of housework I have to do is not more than average. And while being a mom of a toddler is challenging, Ogglette isn't any more difficult than most. In fact, she is probably more on the easy going end of the spectrum. Of course me wishing I had more time to work my MaryKay business (which would take me away from Ogglette) probably wouldn't make very many childless women feel sorry for me.
I find this whole thing so confusing. It seems that all my life I was told what a blessing it is to be at home. Caring for your husband, home and children was the most fulfilling thing that could ever happen to a Christian woman! And I believed it with my whole heart. Then, when we found out unexpectedly that we were having a baby half way through DrOgg's medical school training I did everything I could think of to be sure I was there for every sweet moment with my new baby. We made big sacrifices in regard to our lifestyle (and IMHO to my career). Even getting by with just one car so that we could save money and some way, somehow I could be a Stay-At-Home-Mom!
So it's hard to admit that I am sick and tired of housework and get bored with the same routine each day with Ogglette. Sick of never having money and really tired of not being able to drive during the day. Now, don't get me wrong...I really do enjoy being with my Ogglet and love her more than anything. But, sometimes I do think I might be a better mom if I even went to work one day a week. Sometimes I just think the routine is killing me.
Sorry by the way if you were not prepared for selfish whining... The reality is that I am often torn between feeling discouraged and feeling sorry for myself (ha!) or thinking that what I'm experiencing in my life isn't that bad and I should just buck up and get with the program. Sometimes while cooking the same thing for the 100th time while Ogglette hangs on my legs I think of the mommies in places where they don't always have enough food to cook for their little ones. Or while doing laundry or procrastinating about filling the dishwasher... I think of mommies who don't even have clean drinking water let alone running water to wash everything with. Or worse yet, mommies whose little ones didn't live long enough to annoy them by whining and hanging on their legs. Then I think: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Why can't I keep this perspective every day? Why can't I remind myself that not only are my stresses mostly temporary but, many of them are perceived obstacles as well? I feel like this is my eternal question...is what I'm going through normal or am I just a big wimp? Please feel free to share your thoughts because I don't have a lot of answers.