Thursday, February 17, 2011

Change of Programming Until Further Notice

Ugh. How do I talk about ADHD?? I'm only just now beginning to know a little of what it means. I've decided to make this blog about my life in general and how I get by with my ADHD brain. So, it's no longer just about Mary Kay because of several recent developments. One, I am trying to NOT stress out my already stressed and almost graduated med student husband with my work. Two, once I started putting MK on the back burner, my blog also ended up there :-(. So here we are...
In the meantime I have begun to realize all the things that I do AND don't do which actually relate to my having ADHD.
This was a diagnosis I received about 9 months ago but, for some reason didn't seriously consider it's impact in my life until recently. Well, now I realize it's affected everything from school, to my jobs, to my marriage and even my self esteem (perhaps better described as self doubt at this point).
Initially it was a was a relief to get the diagnosis because I thought it "explained a lot." But, when I decided to start taking medication and felt improvement I also started becoming aware of other's perceptions of me as well. It was like I was permanently on this fast moving roller coaster and everyone else who got on and off was screaming and I assumed they were having a great time. Now things started to slow down so I could see their expressions more accurately. While those who were on and off may have enjoyed the ride, those who were along for a longer haul were frustrated, irritated, and probably sick and tired of my forgetful, late-to-everything, and undependable ways. The sad part is that even though I have seen some improvement with my meds I still feel that I end up messing up at least 60% of the time. I suppose that is probably the percentage of people who get burned by thinking they can rely on me as well.
Well I would like to think that in the end my optimism won't allow me to stay this discouraged mindset. I recently found a really helpful site with a lot of information about coping with adult ADHD and will be implementing the tips as soon as I can and let you know how it goes. For now, however, I have a move to plan and the soon to be Dr Ogg is depending on me. So I'm just praying I don't let my husband down for the umpteenth time.

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