Drawing #1

So I was feeling a little inspired after talking to the former artist I mentioned in my last post. Since she taught painting before becoming a SAHM I asked her what the best way to start when teaching yourself to paint. She suggested that I get back to drawing first and so that's what I did. I felt a little of that back to school excitement as I pulled my old art supplies out of a box in the basement. I was also amused to see the Hello Kitty items I had comepletely forgotten about. Well, I think I have everything to get started!

One suggestion she mentioned was trying to do at least one drawing a week. I'm not totally sure about committing to that at the moment but, I thought at least I could start on something. So I hope you don't mind me sharing my attempts with you all but, here is my first drawing from last night. It didn't turn out nearly as well as I had hoped but, I suppose not doing anything artistic for more than 8 years can get you pretty out of practice. I'm hoping with some practice my speed will improve too since this took about an hour to do and that might kill my motivation in the long run. But, I definitely think I could have done this in half the time when I was a teenager drawing all the time so I suppose with practice I will get back that efficiency. But anyways, here it is. I wish I could day the inspiration was all mine but, I used a photo from a magazine as my subject.

Never Ending To Do List

I probably wouldn't get much done without a to do list so, I try to write one every day or so to keep track of things. It's strategically placed on a marker board above the table where we eat in the kitchen where it's hard to miss but, sometimes I strategically ignore it as well (hehe just being honest here). Below are some of the things I need to get done right now (and in the future) that seem to never make their way to the top of the list:


See the dentist (ugh)
Establish Pediatrician in Erie
Rearrange master bedroom
Weed our flower beds
Learn what all the flosers are in our flower beds

Get my MK business moving here in Erie
Sell items in our garage on Craigslist

Put a baby seat for Ogglette on our bike

Organize closets

Make our patio into an oasis of comfort

Paint our icky brown faded shutters

Make OggDefying look awesome

Get into a workout routine

Make peace with my ADHD

Take wallpaper down in kitchen and bath

Paint kitchen and bath an awesome color

Go back to school

Learn to paint

Become world famous portrait artist (just kidding)

Catch up on housework (haha)

Walk the Appalachian trail

Take a trip to Europe

Take Rob and the Ogglets to Korea



I used to really genuinely think that other people were out there tackling their lists with ease.
Now I'm learning that I'm not the only one and not to be so hard on myself and have come to realize sometimes it comes down to life stages. Take painting for example...I never have taken the time to do this though I've wanted to learn as long as I can remember. Today I talked to a friend who is a fine arts major with painting as her emphasis and found out she is doing about as much painting these days as I am--none. Raising babies and toddlers just doesn't allow a lot of quiet time for those types of artistic pursuits. But, I have no doubt that I will get to these someday (and other things too). Though my adhd might make it twice as hard to get daily tasks done I still do get things done. And one thing I am good at is not giving up. So this stuff will get done eventually (some sooner than others) and I know what you're thinking....go get Annabel a pediatrician first! So, I'm writing it on my official list right now (I promise). I'm curious how many of you have at least one of the exact same things on your never-ending to do.

Discouragement - the feeling of despair in the face of obstacles

Contemplating discouragement tonight. I guess we've been experiencing our share of it lately. DrOgg is naturally feeling a bit overwhelmed by his first year as a surgical resident combined with the research and other responsibilities. Me feeling rather inadequate in regards to my many responsibilities of housekeeping, of mommy-hood and of course trying to encourage my resident hubby. And poor little Annabel stuck in the middle of all our moodiness is just trying to live her toddler life...and now on top of everything she is getting her molars! Her crankiness, while we realize she can't help it, also does nothing to help the situation. I think that the definition in the title --which I found online-- is perhaps the best description of what we are experiencing. At least it is a rather self-serving one. Here is the dictionary definition:

discouragement (noun)
1. A loss of confidence or enthusiasm; a dispiritedness
2. An attempt to prevent something by showing disapproval or creating difficulties; deterrent

While the first dictionary definition may be becoming more and more true each day I actually think the second is more interesting. When I consider my preferred definition (see title) of discouragement I realize that this definition is rather vague. It depends purely upon my feelings which I guess that is all discouragement really is. And more specifically, my feelings about my "obstacles." Now I guess that is what it comes down to; are these obstacles real or perceived? Are we creating our own deterrent or creating difficulties in order to prevent our own peace and happiness? I know some very industrious moms who would probably say that I certainly am. In reality the amount of housework I have to do is not more than average. And while being a mom of a toddler is challenging, Ogglette isn't any more difficult than most. In fact, she is probably more on the easy going end of the spectrum. Of course me wishing I had more time to work my MaryKay business (which would take me away from Ogglette) probably wouldn't make very many childless women feel sorry for me.
I find this whole thing so confusing. It seems that all my life I was told what a blessing it is to be at home. Caring for your husband, home and children was the most fulfilling thing that could ever happen to a Christian woman! And I believed it with my whole heart. Then, when we found out unexpectedly that we were having a baby half way through DrOgg's medical school training I did everything I could think of to be sure I was there for every sweet moment with my new baby. We made big sacrifices in regard to our lifestyle (and IMHO to my career). Even getting by with just one car so that we could save money and some way, somehow I could be a Stay-At-Home-Mom!
So it's hard to admit that I am sick and tired of housework and get bored with the same routine each day with Ogglette. Sick of never having money and really tired of not being able to drive during the day. Now, don't get me wrong...I really do enjoy being with my Ogglet and love her more than anything. But, sometimes I do think I might be a better mom if I even went to work one day a week. Sometimes I just think the routine is killing me.
Sorry by the way if you were not prepared for selfish whining... The reality is that I am often torn between feeling discouraged and feeling sorry for myself (ha!) or thinking that what I'm experiencing in my life isn't that bad and I should just buck up and get with the program. Sometimes while cooking the same thing for the 100th time while Ogglette hangs on my legs I think of the mommies in places where they don't always have enough food to cook for their little ones. Or while doing laundry or procrastinating about filling the dishwasher... I think of mommies who don't even have clean drinking water let alone running water to wash everything with. Or worse yet, mommies whose little ones didn't live long enough to annoy them by whining and hanging on their legs. Then I think: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Why can't I keep this perspective every day? Why can't I remind myself that not only are my stresses mostly temporary but, many of them are perceived obstacles as well? I feel like this is my eternal question...is what I'm going through normal or am I just a big wimp? Please feel free to share your thoughts because I don't have a lot of answers.